Chapter 43
My blood boils, the audacity of this woman.
You need to think Img and hand whout this, Gabriel,”
“Think about what exactly, what’s that supposed to mean?”
means if you decide you want to be a father, it’s a full time job, Every sporting match, every dance practice. Every womiting bug and cold, every dawn medown. You do not get to pick and chouse what you are present for in their thes. I will not have my children pine for their absent workaholic father. She shungs.
“And then what happens when you have more children and you have even less time?” She throws her hands up in the air. “You want to move them away from all of their friends and then your new bride gets pregnant and you and her are super by doing baby things and she doesn’t want them around what happens to them then?” My heart drops.
“It’s all or nothing. Gabriel.”
1 stare at her for a beat, and her demeanor changes from aggressie to empathetic
“Look, I know this isn’t how you wanted things to go, me neither, but it happened, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you hack then, but I was only trying to protect them.”
Trom their own father?” I gasp.
Tou need to go home and really think about this,” she says sadly. “And if you decide that this is all too hard, I understand. I get it. I really do.” She shrugs Everybody will be none the wiser, and when the rhildren are old enough to understand the dynamics, we can tell them together then.“Ima
at her for a beat.
You’re not the bad guy here, Gabriel, I know I did the wrong thing by not telling you, but I was scared and alone and it hasn’t been easy. I’ve cried myself to sleep more times than I can count, but I have put their needs first every single time, and you coming here with your selfish demands, wanting to upend their entire lives so that you don’t feel like a failure, is just not going to cut it. They deserve better than a half–assed father with a paint to prove “I get a bump in my throat.
“Do you know why I didn’t want to tell your
“Enlighten me.”
Because in the eyes of your family and to the rest of the world, they are and always will be the illegitimate children who were conceived on your desk late right with your PA. They will never fit into your life, Gabriel, don’t you see?” Her eyes well with tears. “I don’t want them to feel be serondeless citizens, and if they go to New York that’s exactly how it will be. Your family will never accept them. They will always be Gabriel Ferrara’s
bastard children”
My heart sinks
*If you want them in your life, and I really hope you do, you need to immerse yourself in their world and build a relationship with them. I cannot allow them into yours tontil I know for certain that their hearts are safe.” I clench my jaw.
“Gabriel, you need to understand, money means nothing to them. They don’t care what your job is or who you are, they just want their dad to love them, they just want a normal dad to love them back. They’re happy now, they arent constantly waiting for a visit from their dad because I know that once we tell them, they will be. They will want your attention all the time. Parenthood isn’t a part–time job. If you can’t be an engaged and present father, then for god’s sake for once in your life put someone else’s needs before your own, do the right thing by them and stay away.”
Her silhouette blurs, and I quickly turn toward the door. “I’ll be in touch.” I walk down the stairs and out to my car.
That is not how I expected that to go. I sit in the car for a moment while I collect my thoughts.
Torce in your life put someone else’s needs before your own do the right thing by them and stay.
She’s right, I really do need to think about th
yaway.”
I’m being selsk
17:03
ENDING THE LAST BETRAYAL LOOP: Faked My Death and Found REAL FREEDOM.
On autopilot, start the car and pull out onto the road. I glance back at
Pack
I didnt even say goodbye to theEL
I lie in the darkness and watch the shailmes change on the ceiling.
Sleep, the elosive dream, I’m a walking zombie.
I haven’t slept in days.
sione na ir disappaner in the rearview mirror.
Ariana is asleep beside me, oblivious to everything. Physically, I’m here with her, but the i
of me is not, it’s hovering somewhere over Greenville in
Maine.
Vee’s words keep going over and over in my head. Tor once in your life put someone else’s needs before your own, do the right thing by them and stay
away.
I know she’s right. This isn’t about me; this is about my children and what’s best for them, and I know that I have to leave them be. I can’t be who they need, and it kills me
1 work so much that I’m bardly present in my own life. How can I be present for two small children who live on the other side of the country?
Thave two choices stay away and abandon my children but keep Ariana or start a new way of life that involves living between here and Greenville with my children.
Seraphina
One moment I’m thinking with my head and staying away and marrying Ariana,
And then like clockwork, my mind returns to Maine. With her. I see a vision of Lucy and Dominic, dark hair, olive skin.
They look like me.
I imagine them at a school concert with no father there to cheer them on, and it brings me such a deep sense of sadness.
Does it affect them?
Seraphina says it doesn’t, but it would have to, if not now them down the track most definitely. I know the situation is impossible, Seraphina won’t move to New York and I can’t leave.
Seraphina is right and I should stay away.
They won’t care, they never knew me anyway the thought of that breaks my heart,
I get a lump in my throat at the situation I find myself in. I feel so cheated.
I’m at a crossroads in my life, and whatever road I choose to go down I will miss something on the other side
don’t give a fuck what he’s asking, pay it. Get me that fucking story,” I snap as I turn the corner in my car. My eyes flick up to Mark, who is following in the car behind me. I’m so wound up that I can’t even sit in the car with him.
Driving is the only thing I seem to be able to control
“He won’t do an interview, he’s declined to talk to anyone
“Do not insult my intelligence, Im sure Miles Media is in negotiations with him right now. Get the fucking story. I hit end of call and come to a stop at pedestrian crossing.
Tucking incompetence. I’m sick to death of it
An old lady walks at a snail’s pace across the road. “Hurry up, old bug”
Another lady crosses, and then another. Lexhale heavily. “Come the fuck on, what are we waiting for?”
And then I see my heart stops.
Chapter 43
A man walks ont unde street, boliling the hands of his two children. They’re dressed in colhem, he
(authey walk, oblivious to everyone around them
What are they talking about?
The father says something and the children both laugh and i
Deep, beep. A cat horn sounds from behind me, bringing me
alking them ha school. Theyre durting
senach twists. Etratch them keep walking, wondering what school they
in the moment
Lelance up to my rearview I
w mirror and glare at the driver behind me.
the fuck up before I hurt you
